remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
