she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
