Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
