I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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