I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
