I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
