Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
