JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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