I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
