Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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