i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
