We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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