the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize