You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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