tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
