Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
