and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize