Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
