I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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