i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
