I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
