I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
