sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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