Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
