I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
