I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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