oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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