I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
