i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
