I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
