so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My ass is underappreciated
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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