i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
