God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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