I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
