just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
