If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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