Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
