Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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