It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
