I got chris browned last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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