Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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