So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
