Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
