Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
