in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize