My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
