I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize