So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
