i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just had sex on a roof
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
