He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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