Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is Oprah even human
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
