I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
