don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
