need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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