After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
