What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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