Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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