If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
