I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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