The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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