dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
