This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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