i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
