people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
