1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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