32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
