In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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