Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
