I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
