I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
