I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
