I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
