Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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