College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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